By Ben Lemmon
VP & Chief Clinical Officer of Ohio Community Health
“Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.”
This line from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was once just another quote to me — something I nodded along to in early recovery without really understanding. Over time, though, this idea has become the centerpiece of my personal healing and my clinical work with others.
At the heart of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) is the principle that our emotional and behavioral experiences are driven not by what happens to us, but by what we believe about what happens to us. The problem is, we rarely question those beliefs. We treat them like facts. We assume we know what’s true simply because we’ve thought it for a long time.
The Power of Reflection
The biggest insights I’ve gained in recovery and in therapy haven’t come from things I figured out on my own. They’ve come when someone else pointed out a belief I didn’t even know I had. That’s the thing about core beliefs — they live so deep inside us, they’re invisible until someone reflects them back.
One of the great joys of recovery has been discovering that I’m wrong — again and again — in the best ways. I’ve come to love realizing I’ve outgrown another limiting belief. I can’t wait to see what I find out in five years that I was certain I understood today.
Releasing Resentment
Take resentment, for example. For years, I believed everyone carried some resentment and that the best I could do was manage it. Today, I understand something deeper: I’m not designed to carry anger. I can fully release it — and in doing so, make room for love, connection, and truth.
The more I practice questioning my beliefs, the bigger my world gets. I’ve started seeking out the things I used to avoid — fears I thought would make me smaller, less worthy, less lovable. The opposite happens: I emerge with more compassion, more connection, and a deeper understanding of who I am.
Rethinking Happiness and Self-Will
Another belief I carried for too long was that I knew what I needed to be happy. I chased the career, the home, the recognition, the relationships. But instead of happiness, I found emptiness.
There’s another line in the Big Book: “A life run on self-will can hardly be a success.” Meaning and purpose don’t come from external wins. They come from the inner work of removing the thoughts and feelings that keep me disconnected from people and from something greater than myself.
Love at the Core
When those thoughts and feelings fall away, what’s left is love. Some call that God. Some call it a spiritual awakening. What I know is that I get to be an expression of that love — not to earn anything, but because I was made to be.
Whether you’re in recovery, in therapy, or just trying to live with more honesty and peace, I invite you to consider this: What if what you believe isn’t true? What if you’re wrong — and what if that’s the best news you could ever get?
